Happy Valentine’s Week! Since the most romantic day of the year fell on a Tuesday, like most employed people, I spent the day in my office waiting for Frank-still-on-parole to deliver flowers and a balloon bouquet. None of the above happened but I’m totally okay with it. Seeing that the cheapest bouquet of delivered flowers is around $60; I’d rather my husband spend that on, well, anything else. I did give subtle hints as to what I DID want him to do/buy though. I felt the need to do so when he said, “You don’t like flowers and you said you didn’t want balloons anymore.” Thankfully we are still in that first year of marriage window where we’re still setting the ground rules for the rest of our lives. We don’t want bad habits starting this soon, yikes! So, quick on my feet, I responded with, “You’re sleeping on the couch for the rest of February if I don’t get flowers, a card, chocolate (all dark), and a balloon.”
Okay, okay, I see where your mind is going with this… “What a B!%&#.” Uh, hi, no. Valentine’s Day was created to make men look incredible for buying the cheesiest items on the planet and to make women look like queen-B’s with a scepter and crown that might as well say, “Buy me things you fool!” Heaven forbid you actually fall into the prix fix dinner trap too. That’ll be a surcharge of $45 per person. For a surf ‘n’ turf dinner you get to enjoy next to either A) the couple that has been married for 47 years and barely have enough spunk left to get through the third course; or B) the “we don’t do labels” couple who met on Tinder and can’t even afford the corkage fee. Naturally, between the dinner plates being cleared, and the Red-Hot Velvet Tiered Brownie Whatever being dropped off, you’ve got some random hawker poking a single long stemmed rose in your face asking if you’ll buy one for your sweetheart. Now you’re full, poor, and guilty for not helping this poor woman feed her family. Gosh, isn’t forced romance just so neat?
On that note, if I told you Valentine’s Day was my favorite holiday, you wouldn’t believe me. But are you kidding? Of course it is! I’m an only child who wants all of my spawns to be boys so I am the ONLY woman in our household. Heck, I don’t even want a female dog in my house. (I’m aware this is odd, thank you for noticing.) But seriously, I love Valentine’s Day. Everything has foofy red hearts and there’s pink stuff scattered down every aisle in Target. The abundance of chocolate is perfection and, as a married couple, you finally get an excuse to shut everyone out for 24 hours. No work, no phone calls, no family drama, no friend issues. Just you and your better half being you. Having that thought process in the back of our minds, we had the BEST Valentine’s Day ever… and we didn’t even see each other on Valentine’s Day! Whaaaa? Yes, totally solo on all-things love day and it was perfect. Granted, knowing we wouldn’t see each other, we celebrated the weekend before with a Matchbox Twenty playlist (geez we’re old), homemade donuts, cupcakes, two-too many bottles of champagne and RedBox. The best part you ask? We spent like no money and had the best day we’ve had in a LONG time. See, no fancy steak, no eaves-dropping on awkwardly forced Tinder conversations, and no guilt.
Because I know you’re wondering, yes, I did get flowers, a card, and chocolate (not all dark but he’ll learn). I noticed he forgot the balloon so, like all good partnerships, I picked up the slack and bought him one!
Happy Valentine’s Week from yours truly,
28 and Holding