I married someone who is kinda into sports so naturally the Olympic takeover was all-consuming for the past two weeks. 29 of 32 shows recorded on our DVR started with “2016 Rio Olympics.” Who knew that synchronized swimming was a real thing (I thought it was only in movies from the 40’s) and apparently hand ball isn’t just something you play in 3rd grade P.E.. And what would the Olympic Games be without a burly German twirling, grunting, and launching a four-pound Frisbee as far as he can? There may not be any medals for participation but if you can prove it’s a sport (i.e. Germans throwing Frisbees) and become the best at it, then here’s your medal.
In all honestly, you can’t deny how truly fascinating it is that men and women of all ages, shapes, sizes, and backgrounds put their bodies through hell all for a necklace that hasn’t been updated since Jesus-sandals were still worn by, well, Jesus. And heaven forbid you get the, still-reputable, ugliest of ugly, bronze. Don’t worry, your home country will still be proud but no one outside Uzbekistan talks about 3rd place. It’s like going to a potluck and bringing yet another bowl of pasta salad and knowing yours is the worst because two hours in, the other two bowls are empty and your bowl is still full. Probably because you got Pinterest-fancy and threw in a mushroom medley so people were scared to eat it. Welcome to third place at the potluck. Your prize, a mushroom medley pasta salad.
I digress. So, as we say goodbye to Rio and hello to a rise in sales of ZIKA detox kits, life goes on. We can stop feeling sorry for ourselves as a 45 year old mom of three with half the body fat of a teenager crosses the finish line of her umpteenth marathon. We can go back to adding C-list celebrities to our Instagram friends and judge how they spend their money. Ask me how I know Michael Phelps just bought a $2.5 million home in Arizona, his fiancé loves their cement coffee table and Boomer is really enjoying the extra time with his “retired” daddy. Enjoy that while you can Booms… Tokyo 2020 is just around the corner!