Yes, the Japanese one.

My grandma has been in town for over a week and, as always, her visit has been more than inspiring for this blog. English is not her first language but she tries… as you can see here in her word scramble skills:

G Sovar Homework
Can I get the burger with no mashroms, a side of pase, and extra pepprse please?

She’s not only the spunkiest 88-year-old on the planet, her theories on pool safety, parking at night, and politics are the most entertaining thing since, well; politics. As we sat and watched snippets of the Democratic National Convention she was quick to say whoever wins this “’lection” needs to “fit (fix) this country” and despite his antics, “Arnold Tramp” is her favorite of the two. These grandma-isms have been a treat to witness my entire life.

From whatever age Southwest lets you fly alone, my parents would ship me off to El Paso, TX every summer for six weeks of free, grandparent-run summer camp. The weeks at Grandma Sovar’s house always proved to be the most interesting. Unlike other grandmas who take you to Toys R’ Us and let you eat the batter, Grandma Sovar would take me to sketchy pawn shops and the PX to buy tax-free generic bottles of Pert Plus and discounted groceries with her military ID. At night she would always remind me to “brush my teet” and I would wake up to her making scrambled eggs with chopsticks.

To this day I’m terrified to go in a pool when the filter is on because every summer I was reminded of the disturbing “fact” that pool filters kill children. She would say that, without a doubt, it would pull me to the bottom of the deep end and my intestines would then be sucked out my butt. As a seven-year-old you can imagine how scarring this theory was. The bright side? I have an excuse when people ask me why I still need to plug my nose and why I’m such a poor swimmer. Hello? Have you not heard how many children are killed by wild pool filters every summer?

G Sovar 2
My grandma’s got skills.

My mom got a gym membership and made the mistake of telling Grandma Sovar she would start going to the gym after work. “Oh, Missie, you be careful. It so dark. Someone hide under your car and cut off feet.” What the…? The insanity and paranoia in this statement seems extreme but you better believe I still get in my car as quick as I can when I leave the gym after dark. And I always make sure to subtly look below as I approach my car with, what could be, a sadistic Achilles heel-chopping murderer hiding in the eight inches of clearance.

Even with all her theories and politically-incorrect comments, our family loves her. She’s always the first to let you know you’re getting too fat and you’ll get “diabeet” if you’re not careful. At 88, she still takes Zumba, Line Dancing, and frequently offends her “diverse” friends in her Purple Hat Society but “that’s just Mrs. Sovar.” A little rough around the edges but she means well.

Happy summer… watch out for those pool filters! And, as Grandma Sovar says, “You be safe!”

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2 thoughts on “Yes, the Japanese one.

  1. Jessica, this is a great one she truly is a great lady. I hope God blesses her for another 15 years. Your writing never ceases to amaze me. It really is your gift don’t ever stop.

    Sent from Catherine’s iPad

    >

  2. I remember the bit about someone hiding under your car to slice your Achilles tendon from when we first started driving and how she said to be careful at gas stations because it was a gang initiation attack. I still freak out about it! And of course, who could forget the lovely comment she made about our Halloween photographs?! Cracks me up!! Haha – your grandma is awesome, love her!

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